it hurts reading his blog.. seeing her name written all over and how he keeps praising her time and time again.. argh whatever. am i jealous? yeah probably.. cos i still have feelings for him.. but don't worry, im getting stronger with each passing day.. and i swear i'm gonna get over it one day. i mean, get over him.

haiz.. it's VERY tough to go tru this shit right now. one part of me is telling me to stay, while the other says walk away. at one point in time i'm thinking about all the wonderful and blissful times we had.. and suddenly im thinking about all the hurtful things he's done.. i spent the whole night thinking..and crying..wondering what would happen if i do accept him back.. YES i do want him.. but i simply could not accept HER existence in his life. he wants me to change this mindset of mine. to trust that they're "just friends". and he still wants me to be like her.. act her way and think her way. haiz.

doesnt he know that i too have my own personality?? good or bad, this is ME. how can i smile and pretend that i'm fine with him contacting her? how long can i keep pretending and endure all the heartache? while he's happily contacting her, im suffering in silence.

i did talk to him last night.. and we've agreed to be "just friends". hah. whatever that means.

she will forever exist in your life and i know you can NEVER let her go. since it's so HARD for you to sacrifice your relationship with her for me, i will take the initiative to leave. so you can contact her all you want and no one's there to stop you. saya pun tak akan sakit hati.


~ my theory is simple: if she's in, i'm out. sorry you can't have both. please don't complicate things. ~


ok ok.. ENOUGH OF THIS RELATIONSHIP DRAMA MAMA crap.

school's been great anyway.. im thankful i don't have to sit for any mid-term test this semester.. but the number of assignments, projects and essays is enough to make me go crazy.. haha.. but i love the stress.. it keeps me awake and takes my mind off you noe what.

now about silat.. fuhh!! i love the trainings so far.. olahraga training in NUS and seni training in STA.. i might be performing at the official opening ceremony of our new gelanggang at Bukit Batok CC on 04 Nov.. woohoo..can't wait!! now that i'm officially single, i think im gonna commit myself fully to school and silat.. no more going out and wasting my time on unnecessary stuff.. gonna live and enjoy my life to the fullest! hmm.. relationship wise, i think im putting that on hold for now.. i'm not gonna cry and be depressed and feel sorry for myself like the previous time. oh NO WAY man.. hahaha..

till then. adios. =)