hurray! 2 papers down! 2 more to go.. nyeahaha..

i miss silat.. i miss the sweat.. the tiredness.. the bums and bruises.. the sparring.. it's been a week since i had my last training.. and everytime i see my brothers warming up at home and getting ready for gelanggang.. i really feel URGH! *cant think of a word. so the sound will do* i cant wait for the exam to end.. *who doesnt!?* im gonna train like CRAZIEE.. now my stamina's like hmmphh.. ZERO.. haha.. gotta catch up with the rest of the silat peeps lah..

anyway, NUS silat team have been invited to the ATMA Invitationals in KL.. competition date is on 15 dec.. till 18 dec i think.. and i might be competing in class B.. yey! but i have to get permission from abg ramli first.. cos STA grading is on that week too.. haiz! im worried it'll clash.. =S

hmm.. i woke up this morning and saw a message from an old friend.. "Good Morning.. =)" that's all it said. it's really comforting to know that you still have friends who thinks about you.. and take a few seconds off their lives to actually message you a simple GOOD MORNING. it's amazing isnt it? how two little words simply brightens up your day! thanks sam! =)

alrite that's all for now.. wanna study in school today.. cannot concentrate at home lah.. there's too many distractions.. maybe i should stay in hostel next sem.. hmm.. we'll see how. cya!

Seperti biasa aku berhenti belajar buat seketika tadi, untuk menunaikan fardhu Asar.. Di raka'at yang terakhir, buat kesekian kalinya airmata ini mengalir lagi.. Aku tidak mampu untuk sujud dengan lebih panjang.. Nafas terlalu singkat, dada menjadi terlalu sesak. Airmata mengalir terus tanpa ditahan-tahan.. Hati teramat pilu..

Maafkan aku, Ya Allah.. Kau dengarkanlah rintihan sepi dari hambaMu yang serba kekurangan ini.. Aku amat menyesali dan menginsafi atas segala dosa yang telah ku perlakuan selama ini.. Berikanlah aku peluang sekali lagi untuk perteguhkan haluan.. Hanya padaMu, ku pohon panduan agar hidup ini dijauhi kesesatan.. Ya Allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menahan siksa yang terus bermukim di hati.. hilangkanlah kesayuan yang menyinggah kini.. Sesungguhnya aku insan biasa yang selalu tewas di tangan perasaan.. Aku insan lemah yang mudah tewas dengan hasutan syaitan.. Ampuni segala dosaku Ya Allah.. Amin amin ya robbal alamiin.


~ Semoga aku dipertemukan suatu detik yang mampu membuat diri ini hidup semula. Kerana hidup kini rasakan mati. Mata terbuka tapi tak berhati. ~

ok i'm currently chatting with SOMEONE.. someone pretty well-known in s'pore.. my hands are TREMBLING and COLD!! hahah.. sorry i'm not telling you WHO.

and NO it's not who you think it is.. you wont have the slightest clue. and please, for godness sake, do not ASSUME you know. ok?

anyway, i dont even know why i'm wasting my time writing this crap down. haha. ok bye.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today..

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there..

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you..

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh..

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back..

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time..

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you..

**updated version


Seringkali tibanya malam, aku bersendirian di jendela kamar melihat awan kelam berarak lembut di langit.. mengimbas kembali titik pertemuan kita dan saat-saat indah dahulu.. terundang pula seribu macam perasaan di dalam diri.. entah mengapa aku amat mengharapkan sapamu hari ini.. namun hanya kesepian yang datang menyambut rindu yang berkalang di hati.. tiada lagi suaramu memani aku di titian hari.

mungkin telah kau lupakan belaian jiwa yang mengering ini.. mungkin telah kau gadaikan potongan hati yang patah ini pada langit senja yang menjingga.. atau mungkin telah kau lemparkan sisa lara yang ternanam dalam jiwaku bersama hembusan bayu yang mengelilingi cakrawala malam..

aku cuba untuk memahami erti semua yang terlukis di langit malam.. namun aku terperangkap dalam kekeliruan.. aku pasrah.. biarlah saja masa dan takdir menentukan segalanya.. yang nyata hanya ada aku di sini sebagai saksi segala yang terjadi dalam sepi hati ini.. ditemani bintang-bintang yang sudi berkedip mesra kepadaku.. kedinginan malam telah membawaku pulang kembali ke realiti.. di mana hanya kekosongan yang bertamu.

ku renung potret kita yang dihias indah di tepi katilku.. aku hanya bisa tersenyum sayu sambil mengesat airmata yang berlinangan di pipi.. aku amat merinduimu.


~ Dalam diam diriku, masih ada rindu yang tersalut buatmu. Bagaimana pula nanti jika rindu tak tertanggung lagi? Mungkinkah terhapus semua kenangan itu? ~

my right knuckle is presently swollen and blueblack.. i cant even write properly with a pen. damn.

recently uploaded pics by the silat peeps..


while waiting for the bus..


rajin anak-anak dara cuci pinggan..


hoirul took a pic of me waiting IMPATIENTLY outside the toilet..
*da tak boleh tahan dok!!*


knp mcm ade misai kat muka tu! wall mirror nyer reflection ar..


@ Hudee's..


AAaaahhhh pilih-pilihhh...


Ah pek bus driver.. ok bye!

neway, if you're wondering why there isnt any pictures of my family so far, well, my digi cam is kinda spoilt lah.. thanks to hmmm.. nvm. so we had to use the old film camera thingy for this year's raya pic.. err.. too bad lah peeps.. can't show you my beautiful family pixies here.. *eh prasan!*

gd morning everyone!!! i'll make a quick update today..

ok first up.. yesterday's perjumpaan hari raya Seligi Tunggal Angkatan at bukit panjang cc went well.. alhamulillah.. me and Andi were the host for the day.. it was super tiring cos we had to STAND for the entire event.. which was aproximately 4 freaking hours long!! thank god i wasnt wearing heels.. *phew* everyone looked fantastically fabulous-ome that day.. we basically let our guards down and had loads of fun lah.. even guru utama Abg ramli joined in.. he sang this D'loyyd song in front of everyone sia! sporting jugak guru aku eh.. tak sangka.. hehe.. i dun have any pics yet.. will have to wait for abg shariff to upload it somewhere.. ntah biler gaknyer.

ok on saturday.. had raya outing with the NUS silat peeps.. there were 30 of us in total.. rented a bus and visited 9 houses that day.. first was halimah's, then syikin's, liyana's, abg jasni(our coach), yusri's, ahmad's, hudee's, syafiqa's and faisal's..

ermm.. im kinda lazy to continue updating.. so i'll jus post the list of "what i remember from the silat Jalan Raya 2006" from rashidah's blog. thx sis.

1. The food was greaaatttt... i'm full but i can't help it, they are so tempting and once you taste it, they taste sedaaappp and you just continue eating..

2. Whenever we got into a lift, we'll go panicking for a camera and rushed the corner person to take a bird's eye view before we reach the ground floor.

3. All the girls will go inside one room (when at a girl's house) to pray, touch up, adjust tudong bla bla bla...

4. The girls had to rush to the bus in their heels cos it was raining.

5. The guys singing on the bus.

6. The sleeping beauties on the bus.

7. There were gold, silver, cream, brown, red, pink, green and blue baju melayus with majority wearing gold (which was the theme).

8. Television.

9. The hahahehehuhu of everyone, the bus uncle, the strained positions while taking group photos (had to maintain for like more than 10 cameras!) and last but not least, the fun and enjoyment of going around visiting houses purely for the sake of visiting and not because of duit raya like what we used to think when we were kids... Haha.



@ Abg Jasni's..


IVP champs 2007.. *prasan*



@ Ahmad's..


@ Shafiqa's..


Bird's eye view in the lift..

ok bubbyeee...

The End. Adios people.

~ i'm loving you more each day. ~

Senyumlah wahai hati. Biarpun terluka, biarpun hidupmu seakan mati. Hanya itu harta tanpa harga, milikmu selamanya. Tidak mahal namun cukup bernilai bagi yang mengerti.

Aku ingin tersenyum selalu seperti musim-musim indah dahulu. Walau ramai yang tahu perit pedih yang terlindung bersamanya. Hanya hati sendiri yang mampu mengerti sejauh mana derita membalut seluruh rasa. Aku akan terus tersenyum melihat kebahagiaan semua. Mungkin satu hari nanti ada noktah jadi milikku atas segala yang berlaku.

Perjalan masih panjang. Masih juga berliku. Sabarku masih terbentang. Seperti dahulu.